Hey everyone-
Sorry for the lack of blogging as of late. I’ve been playing the dutiful house husband and preparing our house for our very first potential “visit Dan and Bri in Savannah because they really miss their friends” visitors. The porch swing is hung, which is really all that matters. Morning coffee on the porch swing is pretty hard to beat.
So, onto more terrible and awful things. Oh my god, you guys.
This just happened to me, and I’m not very happy about it.
Yes, you heard me. Apparently, Smash Mouth is still making music. And I’m not sure my ears will ever recover from the shock.
Bad doesn’t even scratch this surface. This may very well be the worst thing I’ve ever heard. I’m not even sure where to start. The opening track, Perfect Planet, has to be the most terrible opening track that has ever been wrought upon this world. Steve Harwell (he’s the lead singer whose name I’m SURE you didn’t know), is autotuned and atrocious and spouts some lyrics that I think I could have pooped out during a mediocre bowel movement. I would post some of the lyrics here, but that means I would have to go back and listen to the song again, and I’d honestly rather eat razor blades.
Incredibly, the album gets worse. Live to Love Another Day has some painfully misguided spoken word sections. Magic, the title track, is currently giving me stomach pains, and features a tremendously god awful rap by some rapper named J. Dash. Then they have the audacity to make fun of Justin Bieber by making fun of him being a one-hit wonder. I’m not Bieber fan, but holy shit guys, are you that shockingly self-deluded?!
But the capper is really their cover of Don’t You (Forget About Me), which is most assuredly the biggest bastardization of a song that you’ve ever heard. Simple Minds definitely defecated all over themselves when they realized that this somehow managed to come into existence.
You might think I’m speaking in superlatives here, but I’m really not. I think it’s the worst album I’ve probably ever heard. I need to go cry in the bathroom now. I’ll be back tomorrow with another cocktail recipe because, good lord, I’m gonna need it.
theamateurcocktailer 